7 Signs Of Denial In Alcoholism
Signs of denial regarding one’s drinking habits, like being defensive and secretive, can signify that an alcohol use disorder has developed.
Signs Of Denial In Alcoholism
Alcohol can be used to cover up or distort reality and is frequently misused as an unhealthy coping tool to deal with problems such as past trauma, financial struggles, relationship turmoil, or mental health disorders such as depression. A person can be in denial throughout different stages of alcoholism.
If a person is in denial with themselves, they may genuinely believe they do not have a problem with alcohol even though it is objectively affecting their life in negative ways. If a person is in denial with others, they may internally acknowledge that they have a negative relationship with alcohol, but when others confront them about their addiction, they deny it. Additionally, a person may accept and acknowledge that they struggle with alcoholism but deny that they need professional help. They may believe they can quit on their own.
People who are in denial about their alcoholism may exhibit the following signs and symptoms.
Blame
Blame shifts the responsibility of someone’s actions onto an external factor, so a person who is in denial of alcoholism will often blame their drinking on life stressors or their spouse’s actions instead of taking accountability for their drinking. A person may blame stress at work, their divorce, loneliness, boredom, depression, their spouse’s shortcomings, or their financial hardships as to why they drink.
Blaming outside factors allows the person to avoid confronting the reality of their drinking problem and, therefore, allows them to live in denial.
Hiding And Secrecy
People who are in denial of their alcohol use disorder will go to extreme lengths to hide their drinking habits. They may drink in private, lie about their drinking, hide alcohol bottles in the trash, use breath mints or mouthwash to hide the smell of alcohol, and downplay their drinking.
Hiding these behaviors is how the person tries to maintain a facade and control how others perceive them.
Being Dismissive
If others confront a person about their alcohol consumption, they may become dismissive and make statements that downplay their drinking and brush off concerns from others. They may say things like:
- “I only drink occasionally.”
- “I only drink to have a good time.”
- “I only drink on vacation.”
- “I only have a few drinks at a time.”
- “I don’t have an alcohol problem.”
Being dismissive of your drinking behaviors is not only problematic for you in terms of your health, but it can also create cracks in your relationships because the people who are coming to you with concerns are being dismissed as you are refusing to acknowledge their concerns and engage in meaningful conversations with them. Being dismissive can be off-putting for loved ones when they are trying to help you.
Being Defensive
People in denial of their alcoholism are often defensive about their drinking and use statements such as “I only drink when…” as a way to justify their drinking. One of the most common defensive statements when it comes to alcoholism denial is, “I only drink socially.”
Comparing Themselves To Others
People in denial of their alcohol use disorder will often compare their drinking patterns or habits to other people who they perceive are worse off than them. For example, they may make statements such as, “I didn’t get a DUI like my brother did,” “I don’t drink nearly as much as your aunt,” or “I don’t drink alone like Patty.”
Using extreme comparisons allows the person to escape the reality of their dangerous drinking habits by making their behaviors look mild compared to others’ behaviors.
Rationalizing Their Behavior
Rationalizing means coming up with justifications or excuses as to why they use alcohol. Statements such as, “I only drink to relieve stress” or “drinking is a social lubricant; everyone does it” are examples of making excuses to justify drinking behaviors.
Making False Promises
Outwardly, the person is willing to acknowledge their drinking by saying things such as “Yes, I need to cut back” or “This will be my last drink this month,” when in reality, they are resistant to take action and seek help.
People often make these false promises to appease others or to appear to others and sometimes themselves as wanting to do better.
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Why Does Denial Develop in Alcoholism?
Understanding why and how denial in alcoholism develops can help loved ones understand why people struggling with an alcohol use disorder refuse to acknowledge their alcoholism.
Shame
Shame is a powerful internal emotion that is associated with alcoholism and causes many people to go to great lengths to cover up their alcohol use. Shame often results in negative self-talk, embarrassment, low self-esteem, and destructive thinking, and therefore, people will cover up these feelings by portraying signs of denial. They don’t want to be portrayed as a failure or as a bad person, so they will rationalize their behavior, make excuses, and hide their drinking as a way to cover up their shame.
This is especially true for people who are considered to be successful by society’s standards because they hold a high-powered or highly esteemed job or are a leader in their community but struggle with addiction. They understand that their drinking habits are harmful or “bad,” and denial develops as a way to cover up this internal feeling of shame.
Stigma
Unfortunately, alcoholism and other substance use disorders are commonly stigmatized as poor life choices or behaviors when, in fact, they are a disease. The main difference between alcohol and illicit drugs such as heroin is that alcohol is socially acceptable, and drinking is deemed an acceptable behavior until the person develops an addiction.
Alcoholism develops as a disease, not as a life choice. A lack of education about alcoholism, the dangers of alcohol, and the associated stigma that comes with being an alcoholic are some of the biggest barriers to seeking treatment because so many people are embarrassed to come forward because of what others will think of them.
Drinking is often passed off as a social lubricant. Because it is a legal activity that is socially acceptable, it is easy to deny that alcohol can be very addictive and cause a lot of harm. It is important to continue to educate ourselves, our loved ones, and our community about the dangers of alcohol and the fact that alcoholism is a disease.
Neurological Deficits
Research shows that excessive and chronic drinking changes the chemistry in the brain and can lead to impulsive behaviors, poor decision-making, strong cravings, and pleasure-seeking. Alcohol dims down how we see the world and can cause cognitive delays.
The areas of the brain that are affected by addiction are also responsible for self-awareness and decision-making. When these areas are altered from heavy alcohol use, people are unable to see their reckless behavior, struggle with their decision-making capacities, and may often lack self-awareness, which is why denial develops. Instead of realizing they may have a problem and need help, they may choose to be in denial to cover up their behaviors.
Enabling Behaviors
Friends and family members may make excuses for their loved ones’ behaviors out of love and concern because they do not want them to get into trouble. They may make excuses as to why they cannot come to work, bail them out of legal trouble, or give them money to help them out of a bind. These are examples of enabling behaviors that minimize their loved one’s problematic drinking behavior and support their denial.
Secondary Denial
Secondary denial is when a family member or friend enables their loved one’s drinking behaviors to cover up and hide their addiction. In other words, they are in denial that their loved one is struggling with an alcohol use disorder. Instead of setting boundaries for your loved one, an enabler may try to rescue and protect them by covering up their drinking or the consequences that stem from their drinking.
Ask yourself these questions if you think you may be enabling a loved one:
- Are you making excuses for their behavior?
- Do you bail them out of trouble?
- Do you clean up their mess or help them recover from hangovers?
- Do you call in sick to their job for them?
- Do you hide or downplay their drinking from others?
- Do you continue to allow them to drink in your presence?
- Do you drink with them?
These are all examples of enabling behaviors that are known as secondary denial. Although these often start from a place of love and protection for your loved ones, they ultimately contribute to their alcoholism and denial.
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How To Help An Alcoholic In Denial
It is very challenging to help an alcoholic in denial, but there are ways to approach this issue that can provide support without enabling. It is important to remain curious, calm, and supportive, and to educate yourself and set healthy boundaries.
Educate yourself about alcohol use disorder: The more you understand this disease, the more you can be supportive of your loved one.
Ask open-ended questions: Having a conversation about alcohol abuse can be triggering, especially when someone is in denial about their alcoholism. You want to approach the topic with an open and curious mind by asking questions about how they think and feel their alcohol use is affecting their life.
Instead of statements such as “You drink too much” or “You have a problem,” come from a place of open dialogue by asking things such as “Have you ever struggled with alcohol misuse or addiction?” or “Do you think your alcohol consumption is affecting your sleep, relationships, work, or health?”
Have a conversation explaining how you feel: Instead of using “you” statements, pointing fingers, and placing blame, try to explain how their drinking affects you by using statements such as “I am worried about your health” or “I want to see you succeed.”
Set boundaries and don’t enable: You want to support your loved one, but you also want to protect yourself. The best way to do this is to set healthy boundaries. These can include not being around them when they are drinking and not making excuses for their behavior.
Encourage them to seek help by offering supportive resources: There are many resources for alcohol use disorders, including support groups and inpatient and outpatient treatment. Providing a list of resources, offering to attend community support groups or therapy sessions, and exploring treatment options with them are ways you can show your support.
You may also consider holding an intervention for those who are in denial or struggle with having an open dialogue about their alcohol use.
Celebrate their small wins: Make sure you vocalize how proud you are for small accomplishments such as attending support groups, not drinking, cutting back on drinking, or any behaviors that encourage recovery and support. Often, we spend so much time pointing out unhealthy behaviors and trying to get our loved ones that we forget to celebrate small wins.
Is Denial Always A Part Of Alcoholism?
People with an alcohol use disorder often drink more than they intend to and have difficulty admitting they have a troubling relationship with alcohol. They often believe that they are still in control of their drinking and can stop whenever they want. This is an example of denial.
However, not all people who struggle with alcoholism are in denial. Although denial is commonly seen in alcoholism, it does not always have to be present, nor is it part of the criteria to be diagnosed with alcohol use disorder. Individuals can struggle with alcoholism and be aware that they have a problem, meaning they are not in denial. They may be fully aware they have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but still not choose to cut down or seek help for their addiction, or they may realize it is time to seek help.
Start Your Recovery Journey Today
If you or someone you love is in denial about their alcohol use, it’s important to address these unhealthy drinking patterns now. The first step to recovery is recognizing a problem, and the second is reaching out for help.
If you’re ready to start your recovery journey and take your life back from alcohol addiction, contact a treatment provider today to discuss your treatment options.